Originally Posted : AUGUST 28, 2018
At 29 years old, I’m a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, sales rep, and like most folks, the list goes on. I’ve experienced more blessings from God than I could have ever imagined or deserved. I’ve also fought through some tough health challenges for the last few years that have made me reevaluate who I am and what I want out of life.
If you click play on the song above, you’ll get to hear a favorite of mine that inspired this blog – Back to Free by Drake White.
Listening to this song, I am reminded of who I was before all of the responsibilities and titles got added to my “about me” description. And who I still am deep down. I love the first line “where’d that dirt faced barefoot rebel kid go?”
Growing up, I was this carefree, chatty, little tomboy who loved animals, hunting, fishing and anything outdoors. The older I get, the more thankful I am for the land I was raised on by my family.
I was blessed to grow up with loving, hard working parents and a big brother who never cut me any slack. We spent most our time outside and mostly at our family’s camphouse. I was usually getting in trouble for doing something I was told 10 times not to do. I wasn’t a huge fan of wearing shoes or taking baths, embarrassing I know! Though we fought like cats and dogs during our younger years, my brother taught me things I wouldn’t trade for anything. For example, he taught me swim floaties were for sissies (even if you’re only 2 years old), that training wheels were unnecessary, and how to climb an oak tree so I could bow hunt with him. He also taught me to not care about what others think, to never feel sorry for myself, and that family was most important. He has no idea how major of an influence he had in who I am today… well, until now if he reads this! 🙂
On Wednesday, May 31, 2017, right after my 28th birthday, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. My amazing parents immediately swooped down to Petal, Mississippi and started making phone calls. One day after my diagnosis, they had managed to get me an appointment with one of the best endocrinologist surgeons in the US, who usually takes months to get in to see. So on Friday, June 2nd, I traveled the 123 miles to Tulane Medical Center in New Orleans, Louisiana with my husband, our 4 month old daughter, and my parents.
Tulane is a teaching hospital which is such a blessing because you have so many people making sure no detail of your health is overlooked. It also made me feel like a patient on the TV show Grey’s Anatomy where there were several young doctors following around my main doctor/surgeon. They were pumped I had cancer and eager to get in on my surgery.
After lots of poking, prodding and tests, we found out my cancer was a little more aggressive than we hoped. It had spread outside the thyroid gland and was also in lymph nodes in my neck. Though still treatable, I would have a more invasive surgery to remove the cancer, followed a few months later by radioactive iodine treatment.
On June 22, 2017, I underwent a total thyroidectomy and extensive lateral neck dissection. The 7 hour surgery ended up being 50 times harder to recover from than the doctors led us to believe. I’ll save that for another day and another blog post.
I would recommend the American Thyroid Association website if you want to learn anything relating to the thyroid. It is very reliable and what most endocrinologists use as guidelines in the US.
Fast forward a few months and along came September and with it my Radioactive Iodine Treatment (RAI). Basically, radioactive iodine is a form of radiation where they give you a radioactive iodine pill at the hospital and you have to be quarantined for a variable amount of time based on how much you’re given. Thyroid cells soak up the iodine and the iodine kills any remaining thyroid cells, healthy or bad. Your body excretes the iodine over the course of a week or two, and you have to be isolated because the iodine you excrete can attack healthy thyroid cells of those around you. Crazy, right?
We were able to get it approved through my doctors for me to stay at my family’s camp house for the isolation period. I was so relieved to be somewhere I feel at peace at instead of being locked in a hospital room alone, which is what some people have to do.
Leading up to the isolation, I had so much anxiety about being separated from my daughter, who was now 7 months. The horribly real kind of anxiety that makes you lose your breath and sick to your stomach. I wouldn’t be able to hold her and love on her for 7-10 days and would still have to exercise some caution after that. What if she started crawling that week? Or said her first words? Or worse, what if she got sick or hurt and I wouldn’t be able to be there for her? The possibilities of what could happen ate me up. I said my prayers and knew God would take care of her. I had moments of peace about it but I still cycled back and forth with worry and heartache. I had already missed so much time with her because of my surgery and recover, I did not want to miss another second. Thankfully, I have the most amazing husband ever who also happens to be the most amazing father ever to our little girl and he took great care of her while I was away.
There were flowers, snacks, magazines, puzzles, encouraging notes and a TV set up so I could watch all the Netflix my heart could desire (thanks mom & dad). For those who loved on me during that time, you have no idea how much it meant to me. I plan to publish a post in the near future about the most helpful and thoughtful things people did for us during that difficult season in our life.
On the 3rd or 4th day, I decided to go on a run and sweat out as much of that dang radioactive iodine I possibly could. Between giving birth to Maggie that January and then having neck surgery in June, I hadn’t ran more than 3-ish miles at a time yet. Both events left my body feeling weak and as if I was starting from scratch.
That day though, I can remember coming up over a hill that overlooks one of our green fields and hitting the 5 mile mark. It was 90 degrees, the sun was shining directly on me and the chorus of this song played, “Back to Freeeee!”
I got chills all over my body and felt like God himself was giving me a push saying I could do this. He was telling me, “You will get through all of this mess and you will be stronger than ever. Look at everything you’ve been through Katie (my family calls me Katie, instead of Kate, so I like to assume God does too)… You are still tough, this did not break you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and I’ll take care of the rest.”
So that’s what I did. And almost one year later, that is what I’m still doing. I’m now a little over 7 months pregnant with our second child, which I thought would be impossible this time last year. In November, I will go back to Tulane for tests and a check up to see if I will need any further treatment. I had a good check up in April so we’re hopeful for no reoccurrence and no more RAI.
This baby is the best surprise blessing ever. I could not be more thankful to be giving my daughter a sibling that she will be able to play with, grow up with, and experience life with.
Pregnancy, however, has definitely presented its challenges and further tested my immune system and overall health. Some days are harder than others, physically and mentally. But God keeps giving me strength, reminding me to put one foot in front of the other and trust that he’ll take care of the rest.
I do have more responsibilities now than I did as that “dirt faced barefoot rebel kid,” but I now know that I can get back to that feeling of free. Being free from the demands the world puts on me. Free from any restrictions put on me by doctors or test results or ailments. All I have to do is clear my head and take a few mindful, deep breaths. A book I recommend that is short and sweet for mindful breathing is The Art of Breathing by Danny Penman & Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Thyroid cancer may have knocked the breath out of me, but it will not keep me down. I am one of the lucky ones who gets to keep living life. I can focus on embracing the amazingness of each moment with my family, friends, and God’s fresh air.
I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know one thing with absolute certainty — I am not going to waste this.
- Lyrics in Back to Free to note:
How the hell did we wind up here? Self medicated in a lazy chair Safely dying locked in our homes Nobody's talking but we're all on the phone
I gotta get back to climbin' up that old oak tree Back to the mud underneath my feet Back to a simpler state of mind, an easier life, an easier time Bottle rocket, black cat, firefly A plywood ramp stacked three bricks high Back to real, back to me
Isn’t this the truth? It seems like everyone has their own issues these days. Whether it is physical, emotional, or mental. No one individual’s issues are smaller or less insignificant than another’s. We all feel pain and we all struggle. But instead of talking to each other and being present with one another, we sit inside, eyes locked on our cell phones. Absentmindedly overlooking the needs of ourselves and our loved ones sitting right in front of us. Self-medicating our problems with various different vices from drugs or alcohol to even things as innocent as eating or shopping too much.
I pray we all can make some time to put our devices down and step outside to breathe. Whether you live in the city or in the country, I promise you this – After a few deep breaths of God’s fresh air, you’ll be closer to feeling free than you ever will staring at a screen.
You can purchase The Art of Breathing by Danny Penman & Jon Kabat-Zinn. mentioned above by clicking on the icon below.