As I picked a song to re-enter the blogging world, I decided on Shallow from the most recent remake of the movie A Star is Born. It’s a song Chase and I have belted at the tops of our lungs in the car. It’s a song that has gave me chills and made me ugly cry because the lyrics hit me right in the feels.
Since my cancer diagnosis almost 3 years ago, I’ve had an overwhelming awareness of time and its fleetingness. I can’t bear the thought of wasting another moment God gives me on this earth. I don’t want to settle for “just ok.” I want to be the mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend that God created me to be.
And after a much needed anniversary vaycay last May, Chase and I started asking each other hard questions… and answering honestly.
Tell me somethin', girl Are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more? Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for? I'm falling In all the good times I find myself Longin' for change And in the bad times I fear myself. Tell me something, boy Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void? Or do you need more? Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore? I'm falling In all the good times I find myself Longing for a change And in the bad times I fear myself.
In August, I was knocked to my knees when I was told my cancer was back. After lots of praying and feeling that God was calling me to rest, I requested a leave of absence from my employer and they graciously approved me for 3 months leave.
I had my most recent neck ultrasound on February 14, 2020. The spot that was there in August was actually a little smaller and the was no new growths. For the first time, I truly began believing and receiving that I am healed and the cancer is gone, in Jesus Name. I have never felt more mentally free since that moment I decided that I will not let the enemy have a hold on my health another day. With that freedom also came clarity and courage to start taking the steps to create the life I wanted for myself and my family.
The weeks following February 14th have been a whirlwind.
I respectfully turned in my resignation to a company and manager and industry that have been so good to me for 8+ years. (I’ll talk more on that in a future post.) My husband is staying at his current job that he loves so much but also pursuing his dream of starting up his own business on the side.
And though we deeply love our friends and community in Mississippi, both of us have longed to raise our children in Alabama closer to our families.
So we stood at the edge of the unknown and together, we jumped.
I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in I'll never meet the ground Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us We're far from the shallow now.
We put our house up for sale and then on March 14th, Two Men and a Truck were in our little drive way loading up our entire life in a matter of a couple of hours… from our apple juice stained couch to all the random pictures on the walls that held our most precious memories. After many tears and lots of long hugs, we said goodbye and headed North East on I-59 exactly 101 miles to our new home in rural Alabama.
Another curve ball came when the first morning we woke up in our new home, the COVID-19 quarantine began… did anyone else feel like Frozen II‘s theme song became the theme song for the world? Or maybe its just me because we’ve sang “Into the Unknown” 10,000 times in our house, lol. We found ourselves in a worldwide pandemic still with a mortgage due on our old house that had not sold yet, rent to pay on the new house, and transitioning to a one income family for the first time in our marriage.
So here we are… starting our new life in a time that we’re faced with so many unknowns. But so are most people, right? Though there are moments of doubt, it feels so good to let go of what I’ve thought life should look like. But let’s be real again. When did your life quit looking like you thought it would? For me, it stopped looking like I thought it should as soon as the doctor told my sheltered, 27 year old self, “Well Mrs. Elmore, the biopsy confirmed what we were afraid of… it is cancer.”
So whether you just received a hard diagnosis, are grieving the loss of a loved one, or are just trying to survive our world’s latest changes and quarantine life — Life just got real for us all.
And in a time where so much is out of our control, you do get to choose what happens next in your own world. Do you let the fear of the unknown overtake you? Or do you treat this as a time for rest, renewal and new beginnings? Let us make it a time to prioritize the things that bring us joy. A time to explore that thing we can’t quit thinking about.
And more than anything, I pray this is time for us all to lean into God’s word for direction and purpose. And when we are faced with an opportunity to make a change or start something new, lets skip the shallow end all together. May we all jump straight into the deep end, full of hope and faith.
