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The Life of the Party, honoring Virginia Perkins Derby

Picture taken in 1955

These are my notes from the words I spoke at my beloved grandmother’s funeral on February 6, 2023. Posting them here so I may always have them.

Celebrating the Legacy of Virginia Perkins Derby.

How do you sum up 96 years into a few minutes? Well, you just can’t, and I won’t try.

I will tell you a few things I believe were important and special about my grandmother, Virginia Perkins Derby. 

These are random notes I have put in my phone over the last week and to keep me on track and from rambling – I will read them straight from the list.

She believed in faith and family and fun. She loved people. She loved to talk. She believed in slowing down to enjoy a cup of coffee. She believed in fellowship. She loved playing cards. Some of my favorite memories are heading to her house as soon as I got home from school to grab a coke, some snacks, and play countless rounds of blackjack. 

She loved her family. She loved Anniston. She loved her mama and daddy. Her big sister. Her nieces and nephew. Her cousins. Her college roommates. She loved all of her family and friends.

She loved her church, St. James Episcopal Church in Livingston, Alabama. She loved her hometown church, St. Michael’s Episcopal Church in Anniston, Alabama. Her great grandfather was John Ward Noble, who built the second episcopal church in Anniston in 1888.

Grandmama once told Paige and I of a trip she took to Washington DC when my grandfather and her were “courting.” They were visiting my great-aunt Carrie and while there, my grandfather proposed to her. When I asked what she said, she told him, “I will have to think about it.”

  “What?! How long did you think about it?” I asked. “About 3 months,” she replied. She told us she had a full life in Anniston and he was asking her to leave it all and move to York. “I had to think about it,” she repeated with a beaming smile on her face.

She believed In celebrating life – in getting dressed up, dancing, setting the table and eating on the good China because you aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. 

When she came to auburn when Al and I were in college – all of our friends loved her. Al & I are both so grateful for all of the tailgates and Auburn football games we were able to enjoy with her.

She was truly always the life of the party.

She was an exceptional hostess. I can still see her dancing with Hiram in the living room while Mr. Patrenos played the piano at her joyous Christmas parties. I remember thinking I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. 

She loved my brother and I – we are her only grandchildren. And she made such an effort to teach us essential skills for life such as table manners, dancing, and entertainment. I remember her trying to teach Al how to dance before they got married 😉

She said things like “hells bells, “hold your britches,” and at bed time, “time to fly up.”

She cooked my dad lunch every single day he worked at the bank. And would get so mad at him if we’re late or wouldn’t show. 

She was a very talented seamstress and made lots of beautiful pieces of clothing like the dress and coat Maggie has on today. 

She was so incredibly proud of her son and daughter and all of their accomplishments. 

She adored my mama. She loved her son in law, Ben. 

She constantly told me how good of a husband chase was to me and was baffled he cooked dinner most nights.

She admired Paige for balancing work and 3 kids and… my brother. 

Through her life, she was known by many nicknames.

Big Virginia

Perk – to her father and husband 

Mama – to her son and daughter 

Grandmama – to her grandchildren and great grandchildren

Mrs. D to her daughter-in-law and son-in-law 

Thank you to those who sat with her the last 2 years – thank you to Annie, Glendora, Marilyn, Bertha and a few others.

My grandmother was a constant in so many lives and though life feels off balance with her gone I know no one believed in the resurrection more than her and believed it was a celebration. 

So though we may all shed some tears, let’s make today a celebration of her 96 years of life and knowing she has entered the life everlasting. 

This morning, God told me to go read Proverbs 31. And when I did I just cried. I found the perfect description of the life my grandmother lived. So to finish, I want to read aloud verses 25 through 31.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

In loving memory of
Virginia Noble Perkins Derby
Born: May 28, 1926
Died: January 30, 2023

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Get Fired Up! It Might Look Dead, But an Abundant New Thing is About to Sprout Up

“… and then God can let the good stuff grow. It’s then that God makes beauty from ashes.”

4 Reasons You Have to Manage the Weeds

🔥Any foresters out there? 

Sometimes it takes a little fire to burn away the clutter… and then God can let the good stuff grow. It’s then that God makes beauty from ashes. 

Keep going, friend. 

You aren’t walking through fire to just smell like smoke. 

You went through hell because God has plans for you on the other side of the fire. He has important work only you can do, but you have to let go what doesn’t matter. 

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:19 NIV

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height…

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.””

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

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In My Daughter’s Eyes, The Amazing Year of My Diagnosis

Created January 2018

I actually wrote this post in my notebook a couple of years ago. And with Maggie’s fourth birthday quickly approaching decided to revisit.

This song is one of those you’ve heard a million times and never meant too much. But fast forward to a new season of life and it hit me in heart. 

During Maggie’s first year of life, I had many moments where I never felt more weak, powerless and lost. Looking back, I know that if I hadn’t had her during that time, it would have been so easy to give up. So easy to focus too much on myself and my health and I would have surely drowned in anxiety and self-pity. But Maggie never failed me.

She didn’t care if there had been a bad doctor’s appointment that day or if my body ached to the point I didn’t want to get out of the bed. It didn’t stop her from needing someone to pick her up, feed her, change her, and love on her. And it definitely didn’t stop her from letting out her first real giggle, from starting to crawl, or the first time she called me “Mama.” 

Maggie needed me and I needed to get stronger for her. There were so many times I wanted to give-up and she is the reason I kept going. The reason I keep going. And I will thank God every day for her the rest of my life. 

Because of my daughter, 2017 is not the year of my cancer diagnosis, surgery, and radiation treatment. 2017 was the year I became a mom. The year I learned how to love deeper than I thought possible. The year I was able to block out pain and distractions to be present so that I could enjoy my little family. The year God created a human who thought I truly hung the moon. 

Praise you, Father, from whom all blessings flow. 

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My Hurricane on Lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans

Hurricane by Band of Heathens

I was born in the rain
on the Pontchartrain
Underneath the Louisiana moon
I don't mind the strain 
of a hurricane
They come around every June
The high black water 
the devil's daughter
She's hard, she's cold 
and she's mean
But nobody taught her
it takes a lot of water
To wash away New Orleans

June officially kicks off hurricane season. 

It’s also kicks off a bit unease in my soul. May 31st is the day I received my cancer diagnosis. June 22nd is the day I had my surgery. They told me about the scars everyone would be able to see. But it’s the unseen scars that leave a deeper mark. 

Recently, I heard this song and was taken back to all of those emotions three years ago. It was awful. It was a really hard time and the devil’s daughter came at me at every corner.

I rode in the passenger seat of my car, quietly staring out the window. Chase was driving and my parents were in the back. Five-month old Maggie had stayed at our house in Petal with her amazing grandparents, BB and Dot Dot. We were headed to New Orleans to spend the first of five nights. I had to be at Tulane Medical Center by 5am for surgery the next morning. We made several trips to New Orleans leading up to this one for pre-op appointments. Every time we drove across Lake Pontchartrain, Chase would play the song Hurricane by Band of Heathens because he knew I loved it. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but it somehow would always calm my nerves as we entered Orleans Parish. I remember thinking I should probably be listening to praise and worship music instead, but that song is where my soul has found rest before any doctor’s appointment, procedure, or surgery.

As we drove across Lake Pontchartrain on June 21, 2017 and listened to this song like we always did, it was so ironic because an actual hurricane was making its way toward New Orleans. Rain pelted the car, the wind blew, and the sky was a mixture of dark heavy clouds. But a little hurricane doesn’t scare New Orleans, so my early morning date with the surgeon never wavered.

I didn’t sleep the night before surgery. I stared at the ceiling of our AirBnB and listened to the mix of sirens and drunk laughter that perpetually come from the streets of New Orleans. I remember thinking I should’ve drank more wine at dinner and maybe I’d be asleep. I tossed and turned and my chest ached because I had to quit breastfeeding cold turkey before the surgery and radiation. So I looked through every single picture and video I had taken of Maggie on my phone and quietly cried.

I didn’t think 5am would ever come.

But it did.

And then I was sitting in the smallest pre-op room EVER with Chase, Daddy and Mama. I was feeling ok, Chase and I even snapped this picture as we waited. #thyroidcancer Then the door swung open.

In a matter of moments, that tiny room was full of what felt like 50 doctors and surgeons and nurses and anesthesiologists and their cousins. All telling me all of the awful things that could happen to me during my expected 4-7 hour surgery and I needed to quickly sign the endless forms thrown in my lap so they wouldn’t be held liable if they messed up. The nurse started my IV with a saline flush and asked me questions about my sweet 5 month old baby girl who was 2 hours away. As soon as I could taste the salt on my tongue, the panic set in. My chest got tight, my hands shook, I started sweating… they kept telling me I had to sit down but if I had to wait another moment I thought I might die. Chase kept his arm around me, comforting me, telling me everything was going to be fine and it would be over soon. My mom harassed the nurses and doctors with every question possible. My dad tried to tell awkward stories to distract me and get me to laugh.

As the army of eager residents started to wheel my hospital bed out of the room, I saw tears in my family’s eyes as they told me they loved me and would see me in a few minutes. I felt such guilt for putting them through this awful day. But praise the Good Lord for Propofol because seconds later, I was out. And would be for the next 7.5 hours.

Little did I know what I was in for when I would wake up. The days, weeks, months and now years following that day would bring pain and weaknesses I never before experienced. They would also bring a desperate need to live life more abundantly. 

After that surgery, I would be humbled and stripped of any pride or belief that my achievements define who I am. I would experience pain and God on a deeper level than ever before and I would not be the same. God would become greater in my life. I’d gain a greater awareness of when the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy me. My family would become greater. All the little shiz that used to get to me, would become less.

I couldn’t have made it through that day and every day since without God and my family and friends.

Since that particular drive across Lake Pontchartrain, I have had my ups and down… but the one thing that remains the same is my faith continues to strengthen. So I guess it will take a lot more water, to wash away this ole girl. 

The high black water, 
the devil's daughter
She's hard, she's cold 
and she's mean.
But nobody taught her, 
it takes a lot of water
To wash away New Orleans.



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30 Things I Have Learned in 30 Years

I have always been a fan of birthdays. And the older I get, the more I appreciate celebrating another year God gave me or my loved ones. Last year I read Emily P. Freeman’s book The Next Right Thing and a practice I learned from her has been reflecting on the season that just ended before starting a new one. 

As I turn 31 this week, I decided to name 30 things I’ve learned. I set a timer for 20 minutes so I wouldn’t overthink it. So these are in no order of importance and I’m sure I could change up the list a million times if I sat with it long enough. But I hope you enjoy and can maybe grab at least one nugget from the list to encourage you. I would love to hear things that you have learned during your life that have stuck with you in the comments section below. 

Some of it 
you learn the hard way
Some of it 
you read on a page
Some of it
 comes from heartbreak
Most of it 
comes with age
And none of it 
ever comes easy
A bunch of it 
you maybe can't use
I know I don't probably know 
what I think I do
But there's somethin' to 
some of it.

30 Things I Have Learned in 30 Years

  • Mama ain’t a shrink, Daddy ain’t a bank, and God ain’t a wishin’ well – Eric Church
  • Rest is not a luxury in life. Rest is a requirement.
  • Being a mom means drinking your coffee cold and your beer hot. 
  • Men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved.
  • Jesus still heals. 
  • God is real. 
  • The Holy Spirit gives us discernment & abundant peace.
  • The more stuff you have, the more stuff you need.
  • I love to write and it has become my daily therapy. 
  • The Bible is actually the most exciting, scandalous, life-giving book I have ever read. 
  • Infrared saunas provide amazing pain relief for most all body ailments. 
  • Yoga triggers the parasympathetic nervous system forcing our bodies into a healing state. (click here to order a yoga mat!)
  • The power of praying with my husband. 
  • A person is what he or she thinks about all day. 
  • Reflecting on our most recent season is healthy and productive before moving forward. 
  • Faith is only a muscle that can be strengthen and flexed in the unknown. 
  • It should be mandatory that all yoga pants have pockets. Click here for another pair I have and love!
  • God can speak to us through our dreams. 
  • You’ll never find an abundant life trying to meet everyone else’s expectations of you.
  • History is awesome. I especially love learning about civil war and WWII and I love researching family history.
  • Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. – Viktor Frankl
  • Sometimes, we need to stop talking and just listen. 
  • In order to lead, we must first follow. 
  • We grow when we are planted close to those who nurture us through the sunshine and rain.
  • My favorite place in the world is at the end of a dirt road. 
  • Life isn’t fair but tomorrow always has hope. 
  • A loyal and loving dog can change your life. [Dog spelled backwards spells God. Just sayin… 🙂 ]
  • Babies remind you how quickly time goes by and how important sleep is. 
  • At the end of the day, your children just need to feel loved. Everything else doesn’t matter. 
  • It is never too late be whoever you want to be.
  • I can survive as long as I have my family, my bible, and a Dollar General.

And here is a blessing I am praying over the people in my life as I move into this new season. It is from Numbers 6 if you would like to look it up. Talk soon! 

The Lord bless you
And keep you
Make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you
The Lord turn His
Face toward you
And give you peace.
 
May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
And your family and your children
And their children, and their children.

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Update From Kate – April 2020

April 2020
My desire is this will be an encouraging place where you will find:PURPOSE in your pain, STRENGTH in your struggles, & HOPE in the hard times.

Oh, hey y’all!

It’s been a minute since I was actively posting on KateElmore.com so I thought I should say hello again, welcome, and give a quick update.

Initially, I started this blog to help myself process life after being diagnosed with cancer at 27 years old. Shortly after I started it, I gave birth to our son, who is now the good looking, blonde headed, 18 month old, hunk of pure love you see below. 

I had planned to pick up posting again right after he was born…

But let’s be real… 

Life with a newborn and a strong-willed toddler was chaos. Some days good and some days were just flat out hard. Not to mention trying to get my thyroid medicine and hormone levels back in check post-pregnancy. And then go back to working full-time with two babies in daycare. Whew… just thinking about it makes me tired again!haha

I kept thinking I would start posting again but I just told myself I didn’t have the time. Which isn’t completely untrue, but honestly…

I realized I just wasn’t quite ready to share my story yet. Partly because I was still deep in the pain and suffering of my illness and it felt too unstable to share. But mostly because I was still so lost. I was desperately searching for rest and hope and freedom when it seemed that my circumstances were trapping me in a life of perpetual expectations and exhaustion. Bottom line, I didn’t know the purpose of my pain yet. And pain without a purpose is just straight up suffering.

Fast forward to today and  so much has happened since my last post in September 2018. Lots of doctor’s appointments, sleepless nights, and lots of what seemed like unanswered prayers.

But, man oh man, those have been greatly outweighed by some pretty awesome moments. We brought a healthy baby boy home from the hospital to an excited big sister. I learned more about managing my health. Chase and I started reading our bibles together. I even went through a christian yoga instructor program which was super cool.

We have celebrated big and little moments. We have intentionally put our phones down more to be present with each other.  About a year ago, Chase and I named (out loud and to each other) our hopes and dreams. We are now passionately and patiently pursuing them as God holds the reins.

So though I started this blog for myself, I feel called to keep at it for something greater than myself. Whatever pain or suffering you’ve experienced, or maybe are currently experiencing, God can use your pain to change the lives of others. You can be that hope for someone else.

"I raised you up for 
this very purpose, 
that I might display 
my power in you and 
that my name might be 
proclaimed in all the earth.” 
Romans 9:17

Trust me, friend. Your life is more than a diagnosis, more than endless doctors visits, more than constant grief, and more than a packed out schedule.

Keep hanging around if you want to hear more about my journey from feeling exhausted and broken and helpless to feeling encouraged, empowered, and hopeful.

Life is hard, no doubt.

But, we were made for this!

My desire is this will be an encouraging place where you will find:

PURPOSE in your pain,

STRENGTH in your struggles,

& HOPE in the hard times.

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Food for Thought – Broccoli Harvesting

Let us not grow weary in doing good,

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

Back in the October, I planted a little fall garden on the side of our house. Nothing fancy, but it has been something I have thoroughly enjoyed.  I planted three broccoli plants, three cauliflower, three brussels sprouts, three purple cabbage and some onions.

It has been so much fun to watch all of the plants grow! To rush out to look at the garden each day to see how they have changed. Some days or weeks they didn’t seem to grow much, but other days after a good rain, they seemed to have doubled in size. 

Of my three broccoli plants, one grew much larger than the others. My inquisitive three year old daughter would beg me to pick it each day. I would tell her it wasn’t quite “big enough” yet and that we would pick it soon. 

Funny thing is, I never researched what was actually big enough when you need to harvest. I just went off what size the ones were that I’ve bought at the grocery store. I went to Arkansas one week in February for work and when I returned my biggest healthiest broccoli had sprouted out into a bunch of thin little shoots with yellow blooms. After googling, I found out this means I waited too long to pick it. Once the yellow petals show themselves, the quality decreases rapidly. The broccoli turns bitter in taste and loses its nutritional value. Well, dang! 

All of the hard work, all of the anxiously checking the garden each day to see how much it has grown, anticipating the day that I would get to pick it and cook it for my family, was for nothing. I waited too long, waiting for something bigger and better and I missed it altogether.

Side note… I’m writing this as I’m sitting in the front seat of my silver Honda Pilot that’s parked in my driveway that overlooks my little garden. I’m sitting in my car because I have two precious and wild babies and the only way they were going to surrender to a nap today is if I strapped them in their glorious car seats.

Back to broccoli… As I am sitting here, a convicting thought entered my head. 

What if that is what happens when God plants a seed in us? A spiritual gift planted inside of us that He nurtures and lovingly watches grow.

But when the time is right, when we’re ready to produce the healthiest, most fruitful life-giving and nutritional soulful fruit from our labors, we do nothing. We decide out of fear not step out in faith. We let that dream, vision, new passion, talent, new job or opportunity pass us by because were waiting for something bigger and better and more exciting to come along. Something more stable, more financially secure, safer. We rely on society’s standards of what is worthy and go on believing we’re not good enough, smart enough, or qualified enough yet and …sigh… we miss the moment. The job gets filled by somebody else, someone else successfully pursues your passion, someone else starts the business… And just like that, your soul turns bitter. You feel discouraged, disappointed, deflated. This might sound pretty dreadful, huh? Geez… thanks for the ray of sunshine, Kate. Well here is the sunshine part: I can plant more broccoli. I don’t only get to plant one broccoli my whole life. God will plant innumerable seeds of goodness within us during our lives. You can ask the best farmers and they didn’t get it right their first planting and harvest season.

So here is my action plan: Keep planting. Keep nurturing. Keep nurturing the dreams that God has given you. Keep watering them and allowing them to get plenty of sunlight. Don’t keep them hidden. If God reveals a talent, passion, our gift you have that has the potential to bless others and bring them close to him, do not give up. Some seeds might produce fruit quickly and some might take months or even years? (Random fact for you –  an asparagus seed takes THREE years to actually start producing asparagus!)

So whatever you do, do not give up. We are each a child of God created on purpose with a purpose. You were created to produce such wonderful fruit that no one else on this earth can produce but you. 

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9