Like I’m Gonna Lose You – Before & After My Thyroid Cancer Diagnosis

Click play above to listen to "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" by Meghan Trainor & John Legend. 

 

The day we were told the knot on my neck was thyroid cancer changed our lives forever. It was one of those before and after moments for me. Every memory in life would fall before or after that day. “Before thyroid cancer, I did it this way… after thyroid cancer, I will have to do it that way.” I would now have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life to be able to feel somewhat normal. There was a short time that I thought that big life changing moment was when Maggie was born. Don’t get me wrong, that day has thus far been my most favorite day ever. And Maggie was absolutely a game changer in the best way possible when she was born, perfect and healthy, two weeks early on January 22, 2017. 

But the day we heard cancer was something we never predicted. If you would have told me when I was 17 that I would marry Chase Elmore (who was my boyfriend at the time) and we’d have two kids by the time we were 30, I would have thought that was completely possible. If you would’ve told that same 17 year old girl she’d have cancer before 30, her and her boyfriend would have told you you were crazy. 

I know, I’m lucky that it’s “only” thyroid cancer and that it is the “good kind of cancer to have” or so they say…haha. We’ll talk more about it being “the good kind of cancer” in a later post but whats meant by that is thyroid cancer, for the most part, is not life threatening. Most likely, it will not kill you. It is very treatable and AMEN for that! But it is a life changing diagnosis that affects the rest of your life.

So back to that day in the doctor’s office…

On Wednesday, May 31, 2017, I lost my invincibility. The bubble busted. Until that moment, I was healthy and strong. I drank homemade spinach smoothies and ran half marathons. I was always optimistic and ambitious. I knew bad things happened and that people get sick. Chase and I have had people very close to us get sick or lose a loved one that seemed so unfair and way to early.  I heard about others’ struggles, and I genuinely prayed for those who needed it, but it didn’t seem real it could happen to us. 

Chase and I had just started our family. We had this precious 4 month old daughter who needed her mama as much as her mama needed her. I had to get back to my job after being on maternity leave. I couldn’t be sick. I didn’t have time for it. But that’s the cruel thing about illness. It doesn’t care if it’s a good time for you or not. It just swoops in and all of sudden everything is different. Your schedule is full of doctor appointments, lab work, and scans. Before you know it, your energy is gone.

I heard a podcast from the author Kate Bowler and she said two statements that hit me so hard, “I have learned that I am limited” and “I’m not going to waste this.” First, I have never been limited. I’ve been full of energy, love, and ideas. Now, some days I give out by lunch. I have been humbled in more ways than one by the awareness of my limits. And with this awareness has come a new sense of urgency for time. An urgency to make the most of the time I have with my husband who I’m still so in love with, with my daughter who teaches me something new every day, and all of my loving family and friends.  We are not promised tomorrow. Each day is so precious and I don’t want to waste one second of it.

So to those who are close to me, I’m going to do like the John Legend and Meghan Trainor song tells us to:

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye

Wherever we're standing

I won't take you for granted

'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

 

I’m also a sucker for slideshows, so here is a slideshow I made for Chase to recap of some of our crazy moments of 2017.